No regrets

I lost the baby last night. Because of my very low HCG levels, I knew something wasn't right. But continued to hold on to hope. I go in tomorrow for more blood work - to make sure these levels are now dropping - which they should be. As hard as it was last night to miscarry, it was actually an answer to prayer. Here's why. We wanted this baby, and were shocked to find out this pregnancy wasn't healthy. Once I found out my HCG levels weren't where they should have been, it was very nerve racking. If God wasn't going to heal this baby/pregnancy, then I wasn't sure I could go on with all the ups and downs, and then end up loosing this baby. It was hard not knowing what was going on; wondering how long this baby will survive. One of the hardest things about loosing 3 babies (in such a short amount of time)has to do with the roller coaster ride of emotions. With each pregnancy, I went in to the hospital for blood draws and ultrasounds (every few days)....waiting for the results to come in. Never knowing if the phone call was going to bring good news or bad. With all three pregnancies, the calls were never good. I just started down that road again with this pregnancy, when I miscarried. I treasured the time I had with this baby - which wasn't long. But the up and down of emotions was really starting to take it's toll.
Even though I lost this baby too, I have no regrets. No regrets of telling people, no regrets of being excited, no regrets. I believe life does start at conception, and this little one lived for 6 weeks. And Kevin and I both took joy in this baby, even if it was for a short amount of time.
There's an old saying, "I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future". It may be cliche, but for me right now, it's very very true. I have no idea if we'll have more children or not. Maybe we'll adopt (which has always always been a desire of mine). Maybe we'll try again in a year, I really don't know at this point in time. But I don't need to know. We have a beautiful, amazing daughter that we both love more then anything in the world. I thank God for her each and every day. And for me, that's all I need. Holding Faith in my arms helps me through the hard days. I am truly blessed.