Letting go

This afternoon I had to go back to the hospital for yet the last blood draw. My Dr. wants to make sure my hormone levels are back to zero. It was a week ago today we found out we lost the baby. Today's blood draw was the hardest - emotionally. All the ones prior were to see how everything was going. They gave me a glimpse of hope. As we drove back to the hospital today, I felt very sad. The hope was gone. I was reminded of the past few weeks. Waking up each morning, knowing we were having another baby. During worship one Sunday, I remember holding faith with one arm, and my other hand on my belly. Worshiping and thanking God for this new little life growing inside me. Going camping and watching what I ate. While everyone else ate hot dogs, I had leftovers. No Starbucks for the drive. I heated up my lunch meat. Caffeine free coke. Just all the small details that were made different because I was expecting. Looking back, it just makes me a little sad.